Take 2 (ish)

[Author's Note: Although this is being posted on 11/13, I started writing this post on the 12th and am counting it as yesterday's entry (so there will be another post later tonight). Because it's my blog and I can do what I want.]

At some point towards the end of the summer this year I was struck by an entirely unexpected urge to snap some selfies. Although I don't recall the exact circumstances, it was most likely prompted by a combination of my desire to expand the number of decent pictures of myself* and the hella cute outfit I had pulled together that day. So, naturally, I grabbed my cell phone, flipped to the front-facing camera, and promptly discovered that I am absolutely horrible at taking selfies. I was utterly unprepared for the skill level required to achieve a decent selfie. After half an hour, six different lighting/location changes, and countless facial expressions, I found myself humbled, but, ultimately, feeling alright about the final product (see below).

Motivated both by my success and the sheer number of failed attempts I needed to achieve it, I had the idea to undertake a new project: one selfie a day, for an entire year. Brilliant! It would be a fun way to document a year of my life and boost my self-image, all while improving my selfie-taking skills. And I admit, the thought that such a project might help motivate me to put actual effort into my appearance every day also occurred to me.

Sadly, The Great Selfie Project 2k14 didn't exactly get off the ground. I did take a few shots the next day, but after about four tries with lackluster results I basically gave up for the day and never picked back up.

(I should probably go ahead and let you know right now that this will probably be a fairly persistent theme throughout this whole blog endeavor. "I THOUGHT OF THIS GREAT THING but then I never did the thing oh well.")

Since then, I've (sort of) moved out on my own, started classes, dropped out of classes, failed to find a job, and basically fallen short of every single goal I've set for myself, all while desperately pretending everything is fine to my friends and family. I'm a mess, and I know it, but I don't know how to stop being a mess. (Luckily, or maybe unluckily, I'm very good at faking it.) Somehow, I've decided on this blog as the first step towards a solution. My goal is to post once a day, every day, even if it's just a selfie. Hopefully, most days will consist of more than that, although who knows how often I'll manage actual paragraphs. For now I'm aiming for at least one long post a week. I'll probably set specific topics for certain days as well, such as weekly nail art, updates on my embroidery project, and something intellectual or educational.

There's every chance that this blog will turn out exactly like all my other attempts to cope with my depression and fail spectacularly. But I'm trying, because something's got to give and maybe this will help.

So, here goes take 2 of Catherine's Attempts to Cope with Her Depression! (It's not really take 2. I have no idea how many times I've tried to Start Anew, but I like thinking of each new try as take 2 and everything before it as take 1. IDK, it's symbolic or something.) And to kick things off, here's my first official selfie of the blog:

Bonus: Some of the other, earlier pictures from The Great Selfie Project 2k14 before I took one with which I was satisfied:

*Or, really, pictures, period. A cursory glance through Facebook reveals a truly low quantity from the last two years in particular. It never really bothered me until I thought about being older and not being able to remember what I was like at this time in my life.